CHILDREN: - What A Child Wants Part 1 - Worthiness
Society presents various misguided points of view about what children truly need from their parents. Most parents harbour feelings of guilt & inadequacy sometimes when they start measuring themselves against those opinions. I thought to address some core desires that I can remember from being a child, being part of a large extended family & raising my own. I've been one of the lucky ones.
By Stefnie Meyer
7 August 2017
Why have parents?
What do children learn at home?
What type of “roots” will weather the storms of life?
We are designed to be guided by our parents to feel secure in a hostile environment. Just like an infant automatically turns his head and the mouth opens to find the breast for sustenance; so children instinctively KNOW that their guidance comes from their parents, the people they love and trust. What children demand from their parents are simply things that money can’t buy.
To thrive when the climate changes and the seasonal hazards leave one parched or drenched, shaken or ripped; one needs strong roots – your child needs YOU to guide his roots down and deep. There are basic THIRSTS only YOU can satisfy.
Let’s start with a paradox - Your child is not “your child” and while you’re bonding with your child, you are also detaching, allowing him to find his own way. Your child belongs to himself and how you set your THERMOSTAT in the NURSERY, right from day one, will have an influence on his root system as well as how high, far and wide his branches might stretch.
A secure self - “Who am I?”
“Who am I?” Our primary source of self-worth comes from our mother & father which then are affirmed by society as we wear our “sense of worthiness” like a cloak wherever we go, influencing our actions.
“Who am I?” . . . it’s a universal question; It’s a need that drives much of what we do. Everything we do, we do because we have a belief that it will make us feel better. So in people’s behaviour we know how they feel about themselves on the inside. Observe your child’s behaviour, it will guide you to his needs and especially the “deepest don’t-have-words-to-express” needs.
I am Unique – I have strengths
We are to walk into the world KNOWING that we are unique and special. No two people are the same. It’s good to belong to a tribe, but the tribe’s job is not to hold you back, to judge and limit. We should not judge each other for being “Too” tall or short; having the “right” clothing or hair style or to be too clumsy for sport or “stink” at maths. Ones responsibility as parent is to stitch ones child’s Worthiness Cloak in such a way that no “wrongness patches” can find a spot on that cloak.
As concerned parents we often focus on what they do “wrong” to “catch it early” forgetting to notice and acknowledge what they do “right”. Their strengths and unique attributes are not only society’s “BIG” things like Mathematical or Musical genius. It is also the very important, but often overlooked things like
· a keen sense of humour or hearty laugh;
· kindness to friends and animals;
· being helpful and observant of other’s needs;
· a sense of responsibility displayed by picking up siblings’ belongings at the park.
Acknowledgments like “this is very special about you, honey” are “identity patches” we’re stitching onto their worthiness cloaks.
You are your child’s primary talent scout & cheerleader. Whatever you discover – invest in their gifts, acknowledge and encourage them. Focus on their strengths. It might start as something seemingly insignificant but it acts as stepping stones of confidence and courage to bigger and more significant things for them.
We are, without exception MASTERPIECES – a lot of planning went into each creation and like a puzzle, each piece has its place –its position of power - in the beautiful puzzle of life. How frustrating it is to build a puzzle and find a few missing or damaged pieces!
“Who am I?” . . .
· I am worthy; I am unique;
· I am a contribution to life just by being my unique self;
· I am whatever I choose to be;
· I am JOY – for that is who we ALL are!
Of course, we are on a journey of expansion, we will miss the target sometimes, so we learn and we grow, we become better versions of ourselves – but ALWAYS worthy.
Acknowledge your child’s uniqueness, his strengths, and his worth - Talk to the teachers, find your child’s strengths together – be co-cheerleaders.